‚ÄčThe week has not been kind

My body has betrayed me

Perhaps I have betrayed it

No diagnosis is given yet

Just more tests, more tests

My body would rather commune with the doctor in this manner

We don’t speak the same language

You’d think I’d know what’s going on since I sleep and shit and encompass the same space

But my mind has decided to jam the radar and it’s not telling me why

It’s a police action, not a war

My Dr is the U.N. and the casualties are my words, thoughts and memories

There are no peace talks, I don’t even know the enemy

I lay on the couch in my shrinks office

Maybe she can translate

I almost lose it there, but I maintain control

Maybe I have been a totalitarian dictator not caring for the well-being of my subjects and this is their coup d’etat 

I am told to distract, wait for the results DONT PANIC 

And I collapse in the driver’s seat, driving home

I look at the 3 sets of eyes depending on me

I promise things I cannot give

I am scolded and my anger grows

I  under siege I lack understanding

I’m losing my ability to communicate and I must forge a different path

So I do what I have done always, this goes down on paper or silicon circuits

Maybe it will all make sense one day

Maybe someone will explain it to me

But now all I can see is a mute pounding away typing out …—…, …—…